Angel Heart Farm: Where Horses Wear Halos

By Annelise Klepper

Photos by Kacy Brown Photography

Within the span of six months, a tornado destroyed Tracy Kujawa’s Nashville home, she lost her mother to cancer, lost her father and was diagnosed with cancer herself. Few people would expect that such a catastrophic time would be the catalyst to something healing; but then again, Tracy’s journey has never been predictable.

Before she was Tracy of Angel Heart Farm—a 501(c)(3) organization based in College Grove, Tennessee, that collaborates with the physicians of children experiencing life-threatening illnesses to tailor a customized equine therapy program—Tracy was a resilient, resourceful, self-described farm kid.

Turning Pain Into Giving

Horses have always been a part of Tracy’s life—literally. On the day she was born, her father bought her a pony. The passions of her young adulthood were varied. She moved around the country, photographed for NASCAR, became a set designer and accomplished stylist, working on music videos and films, all the while competing as an amateur in the Arabian industry.

While in Minnesota, Khuryia, Tracy’s beloved mare and saving grace, was born. “People will call her my heart horse, but it’s so much more than that,” Tracy said. “She’s the air I breathe, plain and simple.” Her career then brought her and Khuryia to Tennessee. A few years later, at the same time Tracy’s mother was in her final stages of cancer in 1998, Tracy was told she had cancer, too.

“When I was told the news, I didn’t stay. I headed straight to the barn. The doctors were chasing me down the hallways,” Tracy said. She lay in the stall next to her mare for three hours, crying, angry and unsure of what to do next. “Finally, Khuryia stood up and looked at me like, ‘OK, girl, get up! Let’s do this.’” As Tracy’s world was crumbling around her, Khuryia was her cornerstone. “I had about 10 really bad things happen to me in one go, but that horse got me through it.” Tracy learned the healing power that horses could have on her life; little did she know she would soon be providing the same gift to others.

“One night, I had this dream that I was teaching bald children how to ride horses. I woke up, immediately jumped out of bed and searched the internet for a program like this where I could volunteer. I realized there were no therapeutic riding programs like the one I had in mind, and I would have to create my own,” said Tracy matter-of-factly. “Over the next weeks, I met with oncologists and researchers at St. Jude’s and Vanderbilt. I asked if this was even something that could help these patients. They said absolutely.” The very literal dream of Angel Heart was brought to fruition.

 

 

For Tracy, Angel Heart Farm is not a job so much as a life-encompassing vocation. “I went from making money in my career to starting a nonprofit… so literally making no money,” she joked. There are no days off. There is no staff. She is up at 4:30 every morning to take care of the program’s 12 horses. “I take calls at midnight,” Tracy said. “If I don’t answer the phone, it’s because I’m giving the horses baths and I have soap on my hands.”

Being available to the children and families who come to Angel Heart is an essential part of the magic that her program offers. The farm is open seven days a week. The kids aren’t given a time limit when they come to the barn. “Sometimes they want to stay for hours, sometimes it can only be a 10-minute visit after a chemotherapy treatment, but regardless, I’m always here, and so are the horses.”

It’s these details that ensure that Angel Heart is never “halfhearted.” It was vital to Tracy that everything was not only completely free for the riders and their families, but also of top-notch quality. “These kids have been given the worst diagnosis they can have,” Tracy said, “so I want them to have the best when they can.”

Not Just a “Sick Kid”

The program doesn’t just offer therapeutic riding. Many of the children compete—and win. True to the Angel Heart ethos, when they show, the children enter the competition ring “dressed to the nines” in bows and perfect braids so that each rider feels confident. A handful of Tracy’s students have claimed national titles. Kelly Lou, who began riding with “Aunt” Tracy at 18 months old after being diagnosed with stage four neuroblastoma, told a judge in her 10-and-under class, “My pony, Rocky, never loses.” Sure enough, she was right. Kelly was competing and winning on Rocky since she was 2. “She loves to compete, but more importantly, she loves the horses,” Tracy said. Kelly Lou is now in remission and moving to Kentucky with her family, but not without leaving her legacy on the farm.

Tracy describes herself as a tough trainer. “I tell my kids not to whine. I emphasize that they need to be both a rider and a horse person. It requires work,” she said. The children always brush and tack up their horses. “I have a 4-year-old who can polo-wrap better than I can.” This is a place of empowerment, where the children are giving the care, not receiving it. Ninety percent of her riders have cancer. As a four-time cancer survivor herself, Tracy says, “I know what chemo feels like, I know what being bald feels like. You don’t want to be ‘the cancer kid.’ It’s horrible.” Angel Heart offers a place where children can distinguish themselves from their diagnosis, even if just for a few hours a day.

Since its inception, Tracy knew she wanted Angel Heart to take a holistic approach to care, to be a place that provided healing for the entire family unit. “Seventy percent of families separate when a child passes away. The strain on the entire unit is enormous,” she said. “No one ever expects to take their child into the hospital for what they think is the stomach flu, and it’s actually leukemia. No one can prepare you for what that feels like, how it turns your life upside down.”

The farm has been designed to be a respite from the difficulties the family is facing, a small moment of peace in an otherwise tumultuous reality. The siblings of the child with the illness are always welcome to ride and there is a farmhouse on the property where families can stay if they’re coming in from out of town. “My brain is always on fire: How can we serve more? At the same time, I never want the children to be a number,” Tracy said. “I take care to make sure I know all of the riders’ parents, their grandparents, their brothers and sisters and their dogs’ names. If I don’t do that, the program loses what makes it so special.”

Angel Heart goes well beyond developing the riders’ horsemanship. Tracy provides educational art, music and literature programs for her students. “Many of the children can’t go to school while they’re receiving treatment. I wanted to give them a space to practice reading and to build connections,” she said. It’s common to see Angel Heart riders reading out loud to their ponies before a lesson. “The kids gain confidence in their reading skills, and the ponies bond with the kids when they hear their voices.”

The education gained from the program is manifold for the children, but also for the horses, the family, the community and Tracy. “The first time we talked on the phone, before Charlotte even started riding, we spoke for over two hours about Charlotte’s journey,” said Virginia, a mother in the Angel Heart program. “Tracy embraced our entire family. I often joke with her that she has become my ‘Tennessee Mom.’ She has given our girl the confidence to push through. Tracy is always positive and genuine. Her selfless acts of kindness come from her incredible generosity, often done quietly and without any extra help. She is truly the ‘Angel’ of Angel Heart Farm.”

Keeping Angel Heart Beating

The cost of running the program and maintaining the picturesque farm is staggering. In 2016, battling her fourth cancer relapse, Tracy sold her house to pay for her medical expenses and keep Angel Heart running. The farm sits on 15 acres. There are two barns, and indoor and outdoor arenas. “We have this beautiful setup and we’re located in one of the wealthiest counties in the U.S., so people assume we’re swimming in cash, but that’s not true,” Tracy laughed. Angel Heart is in the midst of its capital campaign to pay off the farm and renovate its pony barn.

Donations, volunteers and partnerships are the program’s lifeblood. “It’s a group effort. My board of directors is incredible at handling the business components. We are so grateful for the organizations both in the Tennessee and equestrian communities that support us. We wouldn’t be able to run without their help,” Tracy said. The Nashville Predators donated to the farmhouse, decorating a room in a hockey theme so the families have a fun place to relax after a day in the barn or in treatment. Angel Heart has collaborated with Dan Post for 25 years, so that each child receives their own pair of riding boots. Angel Heart is now working on a boot line to “Stomp Out Cancer.” The proceeds will go towards supporting the riding program and raising awareness of childhood cancer.

One would imagine that Tracy would tire of her Herculean multitasking: giving interviews, managing horses and a 501(c)(3), writing her third children’s book, monitoring her own health, all while prioritizing being present for the children and their parents beating cancer together. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m a four-time cancer survivor,” she responded. “When something bigger than you is calling, sometimes you don’t have a choice but to answer. You know, no one’s going to remember that outfit I styled in the music video from 25 years ago. My career wasn’t important; money isn’t important; but this is. My parents raised me to serve others over myself. There’s knowing it, and there’s truly putting it into practice.”

There must be something miraculous in the air at Angel Heart Farm. Tracy’s mare, Khuryia, is 33 years old now, but Tracy says she looks like she’s 10. “She wanders around the farm like my free-range chicken with a halo,” Tracy said. Angel Heart alumni have felt the transformational power of the program. Tracy has watched children that once had never been around horses grow into confident horse people, heal from their pain and live fulfilling lives. Some have become volunteers at the farm or even oncology nurses. “But many of my students are in heaven now,” Tracy shared.

When asked how she deals with the pain of watching her students’ health decline, Tracy answered, “You don’t; you fall apart right with the parents. That’s what you’re supposed to do.” She paused for a second and continued. “But I can’t give up, because I will never let those children give up. I walk away, cry and come back with a big smile on my face and say, ‘OK, girl! Let’s do this.’”

For more information, visit angelheartfarm.com