By Margie Sugarman
There is a moment that every young rider experiences: the refusal that wasn’t expected, the pony or horse that spins, the transition that falls apart right before the judge, the jump that looked small until they were galloping toward it. Riding exposes young people to setbacks earlier than almost any sport. This is precisely why it can shape an emotional strength that lasts well beyond the barn.
Yet emotional strength in riding does not happen automatically. It isn’t created by ribbons, new horses or perfect lessons. It comes from the skill of handling disappointment, uncertainty, fear and growth—often within the same hour.
Young riders quickly learn that horses do not respond to perfection; they respond to clarity, consistency and calmness. It’s often the first time a rider realizes that emotional intensity—frustration, pressure, impatience—does not create results. When they soften, breathe and reset, horses follow. This teaches self-management more effectively than any lecture.
Emotional strength begins with perspective. Riders need to be reminded that success in riding is not linear. Progress is a series of small pieces: a better approach, a quieter hand, a moment when their horse seeks connection rather than tolerates it. If the rider is taught to notice these moments, confidence roots inward rather than outward. They learn that improvement is built, not granted.
Another essential component is learning to separate identity from outcome. Riders often connect their worth to how their ride goes. One good round, and they feel like they belong; one difficult lesson, and they question whether they’re any good at all. Teaching them to see riding as a skill, not a verdict, shifts everything.
When a young rider finishes a hard ride and is met with, “Tell me something you did better than last time,” they learn to locate growth rather than failure. When they can articulate what they learned, not just what went wrong, they leave stronger, not rattled.
Adults in the barn environment—parents, trainers and mentors—all play a critical role. The tone after a challenging moment matters more than the challenge itself. If a child senses disappointment, anxiety about money spent or comparison to others, emotional collapse begins. But when adults normalize mistakes as information rather than evidence of inadequacy, children stay engaged with the process.
Fear is another pivotal piece. Riding teaches children that fear is not weakness; it’s information. Being nervous before a jump, apprehensive about a bigger show or hesitant in a new environment is not a failure, it’s awareness. When children are allowed to express fear without being rushed, something important happens: Fear diminishes because it’s acknowledged, not criticized.
Groundwork, simple handling tasks and slow practice allow them to build a sense of mastery. Confidence grows when they understand how to ask clearly, how to pause, how to reorganize a moment that is unraveling. These small competencies transfer into the saddle and into life.
Barns are also spaces for developing empathy, because horses reveal the emotional impact of our behavior. Young riders quickly learn that an abrupt gesture or sharp tone changes their horse’s response. They see cause and effect in real time. They learn how gentleness can move a thousand-pound animal more effectively than force. Strength becomes redefined.
One day, a young rider will look back and realize that the ribbons were never the point. The point was the day they rode through frustration instead of dismounting, the moment they acknowledged a fear and then worked patiently through it, the lesson where they said something kind to their horse even though nothing was going their way.
Emotionally strong young riders don’t just ride well; they carry a kind of steadiness with them. They know how to try again. They know how to slow down their mind when situations escalate. They know that growth takes time. They learn, through countless imperfect rides, that strength has nothing to do with being flawless. It has everything to do with staying present, staying kind and staying willing.
That’s the real achievement. That’s how young riders become strong riders and strong humans.
Photo:
Tiggy Kelman enjoying a walk and talk with barn friend Charlotte Kaiser and Arcadia trainer Catherine Apostol.
Photo by Ali Kelman
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