By Margie Sugarman
In the world of riding, “perfect” often feels like the goal. Every rider wants the flawless round, the seamless transition, the still leg, the polished presentation. But somewhere between striving for excellence and expecting perfection lies a dangerous line that quietly erodes confidence, joy and connection with both horse and self.
Perfectionism isn’t the same as high standards. It’s not about working hard or wanting to do well. It’s about believing that anything less than flawless means failure. Riders who fall into this mindset often replay mistakes endlessly in their minds, apologize constantly and measure their worth by ribbons, rankings or the trainer’s approval. When the drive to “never make a mistake” takes over, growth stalls and riding, the sport we love, starts to feel more like a test we’re destined to fail.
For many riders, perfectionism begins early. The sport itself rewards precision, symmetry and self-control. Add in competitive pressure, social media highlight reels and the desire to please trainers or parents, and it’s easy to see how unrealistic standards take root. A young rider hears “good but keep your heels down” and translates it into “never good enough.” Over time, that voice becomes internalized and relentless.
Psychologically, perfectionism often develops as a way to manage anxiety or seek approval. For some riders, achieving “perfect” feels like a way to stay safe. If they perform flawlessly, they won’t disappoint anyone or risk criticism. Others may have grown up in environments where mistakes were met with harsh reactions or where success was the only path to feeling valued. Over time, striving for perfection becomes a form of control, an attempt to quiet the inner fear of failure, rejection or not being enough.
Personality also plays a role. Many riders who are perfectionists are conscientious, sensitive and deeply attuned to expectations. These traits, when balanced, make for thoughtful, dedicated athletes, but under stress they can turn inward, fueling self-doubt and excessive self-criticism. Understanding that perfectionism often grows from a place of wanting to do well can help riders approach themselves with more kindness rather than shame.
The irony, of course, is that perfectionism often hurts performance. Tight muscles, shallow breathing and self-criticism interrupt the natural flow that good riding requires. Horses feel that tension immediately. They sense when a rider is anxious or self-punishing. What was meant to improve performance ends up sabotaging it. A horse can’t relax under a rider who is mentally at war with themselves.
One of the hardest truths for perfectionistic riders to accept is that mistakes are essential to progress. Every top professional has rails down, bad distances or imperfect tests. What separates successful athletes from stalled ones isn’t the absence of error; it’s the ability to recover, reflect and move forward. True mastery in riding means being able to ride through imperfection with grace.
Trainers play an important role here. How feedback is delivered matters. Riders who struggle with perfectionism benefit from a balanced approach, praise for effort and growth, not only results. “That was better than yesterday” or “you corrected that quickly” builds resilience and helps retrain the brain to focus on learning rather than flawless execution. Parents, too, can reinforce this by asking, “What did you learn today?” instead of, “Did you win?”
Riders themselves can begin shifting perspective by practicing self-compassion and awareness. Notice the inner critic. Would you speak to your horse the way you speak to yourself after a mistake? Likely not. Replace “I always mess this up” with “I’m learning to get better at this.” Progress doesn’t mean eliminating error, progress means staying calm enough to adjust, breathe and try again.
It can also help to redefine success altogether. Instead of “no mistakes,” try goals like “stay connected with my horse,” “breathe through my course” or “recover quickly if something goes wrong.” These performance anchors keep the rider present and grounded, allowing mental flexibility to return.
Perfectionism in riding isn’t a character flaw; it’s often a byproduct of caring deeply. But caring and controlling aren’t the same thing. When we let go of the fantasy of perfect, we rediscover the real joy of the sport: the communication, trust and partnership that drew us in to begin with.
The best riders aren’t perfect. They’re human, honest and adaptable. They fall, they regroup and they ride on with softness in their hands, strength in their seat and forgiveness in their hearts.
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