By Margie Sugarman
“There is no other feeling in the world to compare with it if one loves a great horse. It gives a thrill that nothing else ever can. It cannot be put into words, because words cannot express it.”—Samuel Riddle
When the time comes to part with a pony or a horse that’s been a significant part of one’s life, many questions arise. These questions challenge us to examine ourselves and our beliefs. They’re facts that come into play when making life-altering decisions. There can be questions involving higher education, financial issues, one’s age and responsibilities, ability or riding level. These are challenges that accompany the stages of one’s life, the desires in one’s life and the impact of life itself.
It is believed that the magnetic field produced by a horse’s heart surpasses that of the human heart. There are many who believe in a therapeutic benefit of being close to a horse’s heart. The belief is that in being in this field, anxiety and stress are reduced, circulation is improved and overall well-being is felt. Moreover, the more time spent in the presence of these amazing animals, the more grounded, connected to nature and calm one feels.
Have you ever stood out in a pasture with horses around you? How about being in a beautiful setting, perhaps surrounded by mountains, grazing your horse? Think about the feelings that accompany that experience: peacefulness, calmness, tranquility. If you really think about it, being near your horse makes worries melt and concerns take a place in the back of your mind. There truly is something that draws us to their beauty, their being so large yet so gentle, their curiosity and ability to make one’s mind peaceful and our hearts beat more slowly. Moreover, what about how we miss them when we can’t make it to the barn, or we have to be away for a few days? This all has to do with the bonding that takes place between human and horse.
Through studies, we know that humans create bonds with horses and this can happen very quickly. Think of how children play with their ponies for hours, all the fun they have with them brushing, bathing, braiding, riding, dressing them up. They form bonds even closer than with some of their human friends. They become attached: they are physically close, they feel safe, they feel secure, and they miss their pony when they’re away from them. Children get all the important elements needed and become attached. These are the same attachment qualities a child gets from a parent when young. Consequently, this pony plays an important role in the child’s life at this time.
As parents we sometimes admittedly don’t want to see our children grow and move onward and upward. Their relationship with their pony has been so wonderful and we’ve enjoyed their experiences. But what happens when the child has to move on? They mature and want to move on to the next stage—the stage of competition. What follows is having to find the next right pony or horse.
The tears start, the question of “why?” is asked repeatedly. The child doesn’t understand that she must leave her best friend and find a new one.
Parents deal with this situation in a variety of ways. Some children are lucky enough to live on a farm and that allows them to keep that best friend and develop a relationship with another pony at the same time, one of those life lessons learned through involvement with equines. Other children must learn to deal with the loss of a loved animal. For some this can be quite traumatic if not handled properly. Some children can, and do, get quite depressed when having to look forward. They feel as though they are abandoning their friend with whom they’ve had so many fun experiences.
This is when parents must be emotionally innovative. No two individuals grieve the same way. However, parents can approach the situation with care and understanding, helping the child understand that their pony will always be their friend that they learned so much from, and now it’s time to allow that pony to help another child like he helped them. Moreover, a new pony or horse will allow them to move on and do new things that their other pony wasn’t able to do. It’s like moving on to the next grade at the end of every school year.
What can also be beneficial is if the child is allowed to stay in touch with the new rider. In this way, giving up the pony doesn’t feel like they are abandoning him; they are just allowing another person to join the “friend” group. This might take time. Children are different and their life experiences will influence their coping strategies. This is where support, encouragement and good communication will help the child work through this necessary step in life.
Of course, the bonding that occurs with horses doesn’t depend on one’s age. From the small child to the teenager to the older person, all have issues with breaking a positive bond that they’ve developed through time if the need to move on presents itself.
What we must remember when we take on any responsibility is that things can, and often do, change. Moreover, with time comes age and age has an impact on both horse and human.
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“Horses change lives. They give our young people confidence and self-esteem. They provide peace and tranquility to troubled souls. They give us hope!”—Toni Robinson
Photo by Ali Kelman
