By Britney Grover
Portraits by Melissa Anderson
Many horse-crazy individuals know that with hard work, determination and a little creativity, they can pursue their horse dreams whether or not they’ve got the money for the most expensive horses. That was eventer Allie Heninger’s plan—until her body began attacking itself.
“Some of the toughest challenges I’ve faced in my horse life have been accepting that my childhood dreams may not be possible with the body I now have,” Allie shared. “Whether it be the aspirations to become a professional rider or wanting to run a stable of my own, since my diagnosis I have been forced to come to terms with a new reality in which I cannot sustain a career with heavy physical involvement.”
With a slew of autoimmune disorders resulting in symptoms just beginning with overwhelming fatigue, muscle and joint pain, overresponse to minor injuries, poor blood flow, gastrointestinal issues and recurrent infections, 26-year-old Allie has had to rethink what it meant for her to be a “horse girl.”
“Learning the limitations of my body as I returned to riding was incredibly difficult and even emotional at times, especially after growing up as an active, athletic, energetic horse girl. I used to see myself as a gifted rider, and now I frequently experience frustration as I try to maintain a lifestyle that used to come so easily,” she shared. “Horses are the thing that helps me push through the hard days. Without a driving force, it’s too easy to slip into a victimized mindset, to live passively and allow the pain to discourage me. Knowing that I have a dependent creature out there relying on me helps me to prioritize the energy I have, rest when I need to, and look to the future. I take care of myself so I can take care of my horse.”
It All Started With a Prince
Allie was born and raised in Alaska, and her mother had always wanted horses. Allie started riding lessons at 7 and a year later, the family purchased three horses from a rural pack trail company—including Allie’s first pony, Jellybean—who was “ridiculously stubborn” and refused to canter. At 9, Allie moved to Washington to live with her grandparents for a year while her dad was deployed overseas. It was there that her relentless “dream horse” searches paid off and she found her “heart pony:” Charming Prince Patrick, an unbroken 4-year-old Bashkir Curly gelding for $750.
“I honestly think it wasn’t until I started riding Prince that I truly became a complete, full-on ‘horse girl,’” Allie said. “When we came home to Alaska, I continued with 4-H and started competing in the hunter-jumper shows, in which we had a tendency to perform pretty poorly! A 10-year-old homeschooled Alaskan horse girl jumping around on a green broke 5-year-old Curly was a unique brand of crazy. To this day, I have no idea how we survived, but despite his plethora of quirks and an unmatched moody personality, Prince took care of me.”
In addition to riding through neighbor ski trails bareback for hours each day, Allie and Prince participated in hunter-jumper lessons with trainer Beth Theisen, as well as 4-H. That’s how Allie discovered eventing. “At one of our show venues where 4-H Horse Camp was often held, there was a makeshift cross-country course set up in the woods behind the stabling barns. Letting a handful of hunter-jumper tweens loose in those woods was beautiful chaos!” Allie said. “Prince was very clearly never meant to be a hunter pony—as witnessed by my childhood bedroom full of purple and brown ribbons—and would become a completely different horse in the woods. By the time I was 13, we had been struggling to move up to 2’6” in the jumper rings, but he would happily clear 3’ logs out on the cross-country course.”
At 14, Allie moved with her family to Colorado and the first thing she did was find an eventing barn. “We did our first event together at Spring Gulch during a spring snowstorm, and I was hooked for life,” Allie said.
Within a couple of years, Allie and Prince’s eventing partnership ended when Allie hit a growth spurt and Prince “refused to grow over his sturdy little 14.3-hand height,” as she put it. But Prince had left her with two very important things. The first was a very sticky seat and a quick mind in the saddle: Allie fell off 86 times between the ages of 10 and 16, and yes, she counted. The second was a passion for horses that would serve and sustain Allie for the rest of her life. “None of my friends ever wanted to ride him, but I loved my crazy little partner, Prince, and he’s definitely what pushed me towards most—if not all—of my goals and dreams.”
Health Changes
Allie enjoyed good health and all the activity and athleticism that comes with being a horse girl through high school. After her freshman year of college, Allie returned to Alaska to work seasonally at a lodge. “The isolation would compel us to work 60-hour weeks, and with the massive turnover of guests bringing poor hygiene practices from buses and cruise ships, I got sick very frequently, a few times with some pretty nasty infections,” she recalled. “After being sick for several months straight, experiencing bouts of heavy fatigue, muscle and joint pain, fevers and nausea at least once a week, I began working toward a diagnosis with my doctor.”
In December of 2016, Allie tested positive for autoimmune antibodies. “Although the autoimmune factor is genetic and was passed down from my mother and maternal grandmother, we believe the initial response was triggered by the various infections I’d dealt with that summer,” she said. Though the realm of autoimmune diagnoses is vast, nuanced and difficult to navigate, Allie received a diagnosis of Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, “initially being explained as the early stages of an autoimmune disease that could potentially progress into a full diagnosis; in my case, most likely lupus or scleroderma.”
With her lack of a horse, funds, strength and time, Allie took a break from riding and competing for several years after her diagnosis—all the while, the pull to the barn got stronger. “Adult life without horses was incredibly difficult as I faced these health challenges, and I soon proceeded to make several attempts to push beyond my disease, wanting to prove myself wrong and not allow my body to hold me back from my dreams,” she said. “I tried becoming a working student, running a stable as a barn manager and working in the veterinary field, but each time I quickly reached a physical ultimatum in which my body very clearly rejected the lifestyle I was seeking.”
In true eventer fashion, Allie did her best to push past any physical or mental limitations to keep pursuing her high-level dreams. But some limitations are just that, and no amount of eventer grit can change them. “What I failed to realize during my repeated endeavors was that my disease and myself have become one; it’s not something I can push beyond or conquer, and it will not allow me to ignore the constraints it has put on my life,” Allie said. “Rather than fighting it, I had to learn how to not just coexist but to accept my body for what it is, and work with it to accomplish my goals, even if it may be in a different way than I had always anticipated.”
The NightMare
Just before the COVID-19 pandemic, Allie acquired Harriet—a 9-year-old dappled bay warmblood mare. “She is 16 hands of attitude and opinions and has managed to earn several unfortunate nicknames in our last three years together. Most notably being known as The NightMare, she has thankfully evolved a bit since our early days when she was Demon Child, Devil Spawn or Scarriet,” Allie said. “She is affectionate, expressive and extremely intelligent, but is also incredibly sensitive, and has an unfortunate tendency to explode with very little warning. Since officially starting training a year ago, she has slowly graduated to the title of The Princess—she can be very pretty and she most certainly knows it.”
Harriet was given to Allie for free, referred to as “semi-feral,” and quickly showed a penchant for getting injured nearly as accomplished as Allie’s own. “Between horse and human injuries, COVID lockdowns and managing our barn, I very rarely had the chance to ride Harriet, but we began to develop a very close relationship as we worked on her manners and groundwork,” Allie said. Then, in what Allie calls a final attempt to find Harriet a turnout buddy, Harriet limped in one day with a shattered hind splint bone. “The months that followed probably took years off my life,” Allie said. “A young, explosive mare on eight months of stall rest is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.”
But Allie wasn’t in a rush. Perhaps it was her own unique struggles that gave her the patience and empathy to continue to believe in Harriet. To prevent any further setbacks, Allie took Harriet’s transition back into work slowly and methodically. “Our first lesson together was 11 months after her first fracture, and those 11 months brought us closer together than I could have thought possible,” Allie said. “I was exposed to the worst possible sides of her, and she in turn saw me at my absolute lowest. I now have a very strong understanding of her anxiety and can help her work through it when she reverts to her NightMarish ways. I like to say that we’ve been working to become each other’s emotional support animals, and we rely on each other to work through our personal challenges. Even if we both often need to progress a bit slower than normal, she is brimming with potential and I know she will do big things one day.”
Allie and Harriet began competing last year, and Allie’s goal is to compete at Preliminary level with Harriet within the next five years—she thinks Harriet could go farther, but wants to set reasonable goals for herself as a rider. Allie says that her most crucial lifeline through health trials, lifestyle changes, career pivots and horse mishaps has been her husband, Dallin. “As a non-horse person, he often struggles to see Harriet in the same light I do, especially after experiencing life on a farm with her during The Year of the Misadventures of the NightMare, but has nonetheless been supportive and encouraging through the entire journey,” she said. “When my GI issues keep me from wanting to eat, Dallin reminds me that I need to fuel my body. While Harriet is what motivates me on my hard days, Dallin is the one that helps me out of bed and hands me my breeches.”
New Horse Dreams
At home in Sandy, Utah, Allie and Dallin “are owned by four very chunky cats,” and Allie hopes to convince Dallin of their need for a dog. In addition to her work directly with horses, Allie recently launched EquiForm, “Your Equine Secretary” providing organizational forms, tests and planners specifically aimed at equestrians. She also enjoys playing the piano, and indulging her addiction to reading and writing with her blog, Autoimmune Equestrian. In 2022, Allie’s blog was runner-up in the Eventing Nation Blogger Contest. This year, Allie has been writing a series entitled “Come As You Are” for Eventing Nation, in which she highlights other equestrians with autoimmune disorders.
“My life mantra is found in a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: ‘To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded,’” Allie said. “I want to leave the world a bit better, and be a source of positivity and honesty. After hiding from and resisting so much of my life for many years, I now try to live openly, sharing my struggles even if I have not yet overcome them. Focusing on the negativity and the bad days only brought myself and others more sadness, but if all I am able to do is ‘laugh often and much’ despite the pain and challenges, I can bring hope to others like me. I am not the only Autoimmune Equestrian, and I want to be an advocate for invisible illnesses and help other riders who may be struggling with physical limitations to discover ways in which they can still fulfill their dreams, even if their body has other plans.”
Follow Allie on Instagram @autoimmuneequestrian
Photos by Melissa Anderson, unless noted otherwise
