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Friday, February 02 2018 / Published in General

When You Outlive Your Equine Partner

Margie Sugarman
Photo by Lauri Foster

By Margie Sugarman

Margie Sugarman is a leading board-certified psychotherapist and sports consultant based in New York. Margie’s desire is to enhance performance through the connection between the mind and body, and her current client list includes Olympic, professional and amateur athletes across the country. Her experience employing various therapeutic modalities has helped equestrians win classics, junior medals and grand prix. Do you have a question you want Margie to answer? Send questions to editor@sidelinesnews.com.

We recently had to put down my horse, and while I’m grieving, I’m having a difficult time giving my other horses attention. I don’t actually want to be in the barn, so I quickly jump in and out to clean, feed and check in on everyone. It’s no longer enjoyable, and my horses know something is wrong. I don’t want my other horses to suffer because I’m grieving. How do I put aside my pain and enjoy the horses I still have?

People’s life expectancy far surpasses that of our equine partners. The loss of a horse in a rider’s life, when there is involvement for many years, is somewhat inevitable. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your horse, you should never feel ashamed or guilty for grieving your equine companion.

As any person involved with horses knows, strong bonds develop between people and their equine partners. While the grieving process is unique for everyone, there are some common denominators that exist, known as the stages of the grieving process.

The first stage in the grieving process is denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

Denial: Grasping the loss of a horse is a challenge for most owners. During this stage of grief a person may seem uncertain or confused about the loss.

Anger: At times, grief can be expressed as anger. The “owner” might be rude or short when speaking to others. More often than not, these negative interactions are in no way a reflection of the individual on the receiving end, but rather a defense mechanism during the grieving period.

Bargaining: This stage of grief is often seen when an owner has to make the decision to put a horse down. Owners in this stage often look for alternatives in order to regain control over a situation that has no other options. They might make personal commitments that they will carry out if their horse gets better. Or, they might try things that ultimately prolong the period of pain and/or suffering of the horse.

Depression: This is the classic stage of mourning and loss. During this period, the owner might exhibit periods of crying, loss of interest in many things, appetite changes, sleeping changes and/or social withdrawal.

Acceptance: This is the final stage of grieving. The owner accepts the loss. There might still be periods of crying and sadness, but they move forward with their memories and regain their ability to function at their former level.

Everyone has a different emotional response to grief, and a different way of coping. There are many coping techniques, and it sounds like you are coping through a technique called isolation. Isolation can lead to withdrawal from the barn where the horse was stabled.

Some people feel their identity has been lost because they were so closely linked to their horse. Their sense of self has been compromised.

Grieving an equine loss is also demonstrated when some owners’ emotional connection to their other horses changes. The owner can become more attached to or withdrawn from the remaining horses. Other behaviors seen can range from neglect to aggression toward other horses. Normal interactions with people can also be compromised.

A good support system is very important during a loss. The grieving process time span varies greatly from individual to individual.

When we do lose a horse, we should take the time to reflect on the gifts they’ve given us, the lessons they’ve taught us, the experiences we’ve shared, the challenges we’ve faced and worked through, and the unconditional friendship and love, to name a few.

Below is a poem, from an unknown author, that I’ve found helpful for many clients who are experiencing loss. I hope it helps you, as well. Remember, although you are apart, your horse’s spirit continues to live within you.

Somewhere, somewhere

In time’s own space,

There must be some sweet pastured place…

Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow,

Some paradise where horses go.

For by the love that guides my pen,

I know that great horses live again.

  • (Unknown)

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Tagged under: margie sugarman, sports pschology

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We are starting a ‼️new series‼️ here on o We are starting a ‼️new series‼️ here on our socials where we share some of the lovely stallions, and their breeders featured in each month's magazine. Our first feature on this #STUDSunday is...

 ✨ALVESTA OWAIN✨
Thistledown Arctic Lore x Alvesta Fairy Lustre
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Stud Fee $750 (plus collection)
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Fairfield, VA

Contact Cheryl Maye at (703) 431-9096 for more information
https://www.mayeshowponies.com/more-info/stallions

You can find ALL of the stallions featured towards the back of the magazine in the equestrian gallery. Keep a look out EVERY Sunday for a new handsome STUD muffin🧁 and don't forget to subscribe to get your very own edition of Sidelines Magazine, the magazine for horse people, about horse people 🦄

📸  SAS Equestrian
‼️ROB JACOBS COLUMN‼️ The purpose of this ‼️ROB JACOBS COLUMN‼️

The purpose of this month’s column is to help the young equestrians of our sport develop and maintain healthy friendships within the industry. Cultivating healthy relationships with other members within the industry is not as easy as one may think. As a young equestrian, it may be difficult navigating friendships at the barn and at horse shows. Typically, kids have friendships within the barn they ride at but also friendships with others from different barns in their area. 

Initially, it may seem as though making other friends in the sport would be easy and ideal; after all, there is the common interest of horses. However, because of the natural therapeutic benefits of horses, the sport has a history of attracting all types of people, with a wide range of personalities. This can be both an advantage and a drawback. We are now in an era that acknowledges the growing need to discuss and manage one’s mental health. 

One thing I have learned is that we are likely to notice mental health challenges at an age younger than most people may think. Some of the friendship dynamics I have observed over the years have caused me to pause and really think about the future of our sport. Without looking for a source to blame for the cause of this, i.e. social media, parents, school, teachers, etc., I think if all adults involved worked to encourage, affirm, love, and respect our youth, the likelihood of them developing authentic friendships with their peers may increase.

Both humans and horses were designed to have connected relationships. These relationships allow a greater sense of security when one experiences challenges in life. Cultivating the quality and authenticity of these relationships requires intentional work. 

Thank you Rob for providing your helpful insight on developing healthy relationships. Check out his tips in his column you can find in the link in our bio.
Never miss a story by subscribing to Sidelines Magazine🦄 

Photo by Blenheim Equisports

#horse #horses #horsesofinstagram #equestrian #horseriding #equine #hunterjumper #equestrianlife #horselove #dressage #sidelinesmagzine
Don't get caught without your green on today!🍀🍀
 
In today's featured article, we have Jessica Howington, who is dressed for the occasion in her green shirt! Jessica is the Owner/Rider at CrownView Dressage, a Realtor with Showcase Properties of Central Florida, and a Nurse Practitioner! Jessica has been involved with horses since she was a little girl. Everything from bareback to eventing she tried until she found her love for dressage.

Today, she and her family own CrownView Dressage, a 157-acre training, boarding, and breeding facility in Ocala, Florida. Jessica started training and teaching but felt as if her life was still missing something. Until Jessica focused on horses full-time, she didn’t realize how important the healthcare field was to her life. Jessica missed seeing patients and being in the medical field. Jessica is now back to working again as a nurse practitioner while also focusing on training her five competition horses, including her Grand Prix mare Cavalia. 

Jessica feels lucky 🍀 to have two amazing parents who have supported her in all of her endeavors and instilled the importance of work ethic, morals, dedication, and sacrifice. 

You can read all about Jessica and how she's finding fulfillment in her busy lifestyle in this month's edition of Sidelines Magazine! Click the link in our bio for more 

✳️Tag us in your “lucky” photos for a chance to be featured on our story! Happy st. Patrick’s day everyone!🍀🍀

📸Photos by Melissa Fuller, msfullerphotography.com 

#stpatricksday #irish #stpattysday #green #ireland #luckoftheirish #stpaddysday #shamrock #happystpatricksday #lucky #saintpatricksday #leprechaun #stpatricks #stpatrick #kissmeimirish #clover #paddysday #march #potofgold #stpattys #love #beer #guinness #shopsmall #handmade #stpatricksdaydecor #stpatricksdayoutfit #fourleafclover #stpatricksdayparade #luckycharms
Like many equestrians, eventer Devon Tresan is no Like many equestrians, eventer Devon Tresan is no stranger to balancing a busy schedule. From serving as president of the Pony Club South Region Youth Board to working on her online high school courses and modeling gigs, Devon has nearly every minute of her time planned out. And with her horses right in her backyard in Ball Ground, Georgia, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Devon’s fast-paced lifestyle stems from growing up around her parents’ animal casting business, Animal Casting Atlanta, where they train and provide animals for projects in the film industry. Devon’s parents, Carol and Greg, took her on her first film job at just two weeks old; both parents pushed Devon toward acting when she was younger. While Devon didn’t want to be an actor herself, she did follow in their footsteps with her love of animals, especially horses. 

“My parents’ company has provided animals for ‘The Hunger Games,’ ‘Black Panther,’ ‘Suicide Squad,’ a majority of the Marvel TV shows, ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ and so many more,” Devon said.

Devon started her equestrian journey when she was 9 years old. Initially, the Tresans bought a flashy gray Welsh pony, I Am Superman, for Devon to take in the hunter ring. However, Superman lived up to his name and proved to be too speedy for the job. 

“He was super cute and just a great little ride,” Devon said, “but he was still a pony! He made me work hard for everything we accomplished together. I was lucky enough to ride with a trainer who did both hunters and eventing, so we were able to switch disciplines pretty easily. Those eventing lessons together kickstarted my love for the sport.”

Read all about Devon and her busy life in this month's edition of Sidelines Magazine. Click the link in our bio for more
@TrDevon Lane Tresan  @Devontresan

📸Photo by Carol Lane Tresan
📸Photo courtesy of Devon Tresan
📸Modeling photo by Sara Hanna, @atlphotos 

#model #fashion #photography #love #style #instagood #photooftheday #beauty #instagram #beautiful #like #horse #horses #horsesofinstagram #equestrian #horseriding #equine #pony #pferd #equestrianlife #horselove #dressage #horselover #instahorse #Sidelinesmagazine
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