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Thursday, June 27 2019 / Published in General

The Lone Low-Level Ribbon in a Sea of Tri-Colors

Margie Sugarman

By Margie Sugarman

Margie Sugarman is a leading board-certified psychotherapist and sports consultant based in New York. Margie’s desire is to enhance performance through the connection between the mind and body, and her current client list includes Olympic, professional and amateur athletes across the country. Her experience employing various therapeutic modalities has helped equestrians win classics, junior medals and grand prix. Do you have a question you want Margie to answer? Send questions to editor@sidelinesnews.com.

I know you’re not supposed to compare yourself with others and you’re supposed to consider how you’ve improved. All of our ribbons are on display at the barn with our names written on them. I have a few low-level ribbons whereas the others at my level have tri-colors and other top-level ribbons. Though I can see my improvement, it still makes me incredibly sad, frustrated and dejected when I walk by them. How can I stop comparing myself with this constant reminder?

Thousands of years ago there was a famed playwright, Aeschylus, who said of human nature: “It is in the character of very few to honor, without envy, a friend who has prospered.”

I know it’s difficult; these are your peers, your friends, your confidants. You sit down with each other, break bread, take lessons and discuss your horses. They seem so carefree, while you’re having a hard time keeping hidden the ugly green monster known as jealousy along with its friends envy, insecurity and self-doubt.

Yes, you call these people your friends, just like they consider you a friend. However, your hidden monsters are constantly nagging at you, making you question whether you are improving or accomplishing anything… especially when your friends seem to be doing so much better with their bright-colored ribbons.

This feeling of jealousy can ultimately lead to poisoning relationships with those we perceive to be so much better than we are. It’s often a lonesome feeling and we sometimes direct that poisonous arrow at ourselves. In turn, that leads to feelings that further impact our self-esteem and self-worth.

Instead of letting their success and your feelings of inadequacy poison you, try focusing on the process of growth and improvement. It’s not likely that they won a tri-colored ribbon every time along the way in their riding careers. They all started somewhere and probably either fell off their horses, had refusals or made other mistakes just as many times as you. Everyone has their own issues to overcome before they shine. Remember, learning is a process.

Perhaps they’ve been able to put in more saddle time or their horses are more experienced. In reality, it doesn’t matter. You’re competing with yourself, and every time you brave the judge’s clipboard in the ring, you’re learning something. You won’t always come home with a ribbon, but if you notice you’re slowly inching up, with a better score each time, that shows improvement. If the same people keep placing in the same order in your class, then all you can do is work harder to close the gap. As they advance, you will, as well.

Rather than feeling jealous or dejected, remember, you are involved in a special, demanding sport that requires hard work and dedication. Not everyone can ride and compete, and what you’re doing is a huge accomplishment.

Don’t let friends’ prosperity make you feel as though you lack accomplishment. Instead of letting these feeling isolate you, join in on the laughter and friendship at the barn. Don’t let their success make you feel lacking.

All of you share an interest. All of you are around the same age. All of you are going through similar life experiences. Use your negative feelings as a catalyst to improve yourself.

What we need to remember is that every one of the ribbons on that wall represents time, commitment, hard work, perseverance, frustration, self-doubt and happiness. These are the bricks that pave the path to success.

From purple to blue, those ribbons represent the gradual growth in riding ability. You must keep the vision of self-growth prominent in your mind.

Not all flowers in the garden bloom at the same time. Some bloom earlier and last quite a while. Others bloom later, stay vibrant for a shorter period of time and then just seem to vanish from the garden. All flowers blossom in their own time.

Keep this vision prominent. Water, fertilize and give the flowers plenty of sunlight. The envy will disappear as the ability grows.

Appreciate the beauty of the mixed bouquet from your garden. Learn from the process and value the growth.

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Annette Longenecker wasn’t just born into horses Annette Longenecker wasn’t just born into horses—in a way, she was born into her career. She grew up in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania, where her parents ran a farm. Her mother taught, and her father had a jump business and then created one of the first horse show software programs: Ryegate Show Services, Inc.

Riding all her life, Annette spent many years as a groom and loved it, but knew it wasn’t what she wanted to do as a career. After she finished college, Annette’s father recruited her to help process entries at Ryegate. Since her father, Lloyd Longenecker, founded it in 1981, Ryegate has provided show management and office staff for some of the largest shows in the country. Now, Annette has taken over from her father and directed the company as it focuses on managing memberships and rankings for organizations such as the North American League, WIHS Championships and Equitation, Rolex/USEF Computer Ranking and National Medal Series (THIS NCM and Ariat NAM). Ryegate also provides scoring software for use with video walls, and production teams for hunter and jumper shows.

“Besides running Ryegate Show Services and its various organizations, I can be found in the show office, running a scoreboard or judging jumpers at most shows,” Annette said. “I love getting to wear a few different hats at the show.”

When she’s not busy at a show, Annette lives in Annville, Pennsylvania, with her “fur-baby,” Maggie Mae, and enjoys spending time with her many godchildren. Though she doesn’t currently own any horses, Annette rides when she can at Rolling Acres Farm with Patty Foster, Ashley Foster-Worthington and Mary Lisa Leffler.

Read this month unbridled with Annette Longenecker by clicking the link in our bio. Never miss a story by subscribing to Sidelines Magazine! 🦄
📸Photo by Sheryl Sutherby

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A column from Liz Halliday-Sharp herself The spor A column from Liz Halliday-Sharp herself 
The sport of eventing is a demanding and mentally challenging discipline that requires a combination of physical and mental fortitude from both the rider and horse. While having a coach can be incredibly beneficial, self-coaching can also play a crucial role in a rider’s success.

I think that given the opportunity, most riders would like to be coached every day. The reality of life in the horse world, however, is that the majority of us need to absorb as much from the lessons we have on a limited basis and then practice those skills at home to improve.

When I am riding, I try to have a plan for the horses each day and focus on what I’m looking to achieve. It’s important to be aware of the steady improvements rather than trying to solve everything all at once. This is especially important when teaching horses new movements or exercises that they might struggle with, and we need to give them time to learn and understand what we are asking for.

I have a couple of quotes that I use regularly when I’m teaching, and these are mottos that I hold myself to in my daily work as well.

The first is, “If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten.” This is a quote that was said to me many years ago when I was still motor racing and I keep it in the back of my mind each day. It’s easy to get stuck doing the same thing every day with your horse and bad habits are hard to break, from both riders and horses!

This leads me to my next quote, which is, “If what you are doing isn’t working, try something else.” It really is as simple as that! Many riders I see keep asking a horse to do something the same way over and over with an ongoing negative response and they wonder why things don’t get better. In these circumstances, I recommend that the rider change something, even if it’s wrong.

Read the full article by clicking the link in our bio! Don’t forget to keep your eye out for our April subscription!
📸Photo by Alex Banks Photography
The✨April issue✨ of Sidelines Magazine is here The✨April issue✨ of Sidelines Magazine is here and we are so excited to feature three-day eventer Liz Halliday on the cover! Big thanks to photographer Melissa Fuller for the beautiful photo of Liz and Cooley Nutcracker- Liz Halliday-Sharp - HS Eventing. Liz and her horses have taken the eventing world by storm - and find out how Liz is at the top of the sport as a female eventer! As the horse world gears up for the Land Rover Kentucky Three-Day Event 2023, it's the perfect time to enjoy our eventing issue!! We also feature eventer and woman entrepreneur Frankie Thieriot Stutes, who is not only an eventer, but also runs Athletux and FRANKIE CAMERON handbags and accessories. And don't miss our eventing story on Robert "Bobby" Costello, who will be leading the US Eventing team to the 2024 Paris Olympics- and US Equestrian has named Bobby the eventing technical advisor/chef d'equipe!! Liz, Frankie and Bobby all have GREAT stories - don't miss any of them and don't forget to get your tickets for the Land Rover Kentucky Three-Day event! We are also excited to introduce you to hunter-jumper rider Casey Lorusso Smith, who is not only a talented rider but also a psychotherapist and incorporates horses into her career. If you are up for adventure, then read the story on dressage rider Priscilla Baldwin who certainly doesn't let any grass grow under her feet! We also head to the west coast to catch up with hunter-jumper trainer Jim Hagman of Elvenstar Farm, we feature beautiful art by equestrian artist Tammy Tappan, and we get to know Miranda Jones and her family. Miranda is not only an attorney who spends a lot of time in the courthouse, but she's a rider and spends lots of time riding, and is joined by her daughters also! We are excited to feature Stephanie Lightner in our Unbridled column, and don't miss our columnists George Williams, Robert R.L. Jacobs and Margie Sugarman! It's a great issue - and you can read it online, but don't forget to go to the website and order a subscription and get every issue delivered to your mailbox!! Enjoy this issue and enjoy the ride: Link in bio!!
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